Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I love days like these when happiness seems to drift through the air and a half permasmile is planted on my face. It's a good day!
Saturday, May 09, 2009
So, imagine standing in a check-out line with cat litter and dog food and Dr. Pepper (essentials only this trip). You turn to look at the inane chatter of teenagers to your right, and see a gaggle of kids playing fancy dress-up. Nothing against that, it's fun and everyone should enjoy the opportunity.
But, right behind this flock was an elderly farmer and his wife - complete with John Deere trucker's cap, just tickled pink to be talking with these preened young'uns. If I had a camera, and could have been less obvious than snapping a photo from the next checkout lane, I would have.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
40: you're not so bad. You're not all that. You're just a 4 with a hole at the end, like every other living thing.
Friday, April 17, 2009
As I enter the very last weekend of my thirties, I’m struck with a variety of thoughts – spinning from reminiscence to hapathy and every emotion in between. There are so many things I thought I might accomplish by now – finding my work true calling, my ‘soul mate’; my place in the world. I thought I would be a member of my own, new family. I thought I would be showing a child the wonders of nature, art, math, music, and the world in general. I was sure I’d be much more mature.
In hindsight, I have come to realize that my path has taken detours that wander more than a Jerry Garcia solo. In my years, I have been so fortunate to have met and loved and experienced the friends I have had over the years, even if our relationships have slipped away with time. I am not sure there is a true calling in work (although I could come close to that with photography….). I do know that you can control how much you enjoy your work, whether through a sense of accomplishment or by learning to leave something you don’t like to try something that you do. I have not found my ‘soul mate’, but I have been fortunate to have some memorable relationships. (Some for the wrong reasons.)
I think I have found where I would like my place in the world to be, after exploring 5 continents. But I’m not there yet. I have learned to at least try to make the place you are today, right now, the most meaningful place you can be. It is, after all, where you are. I am a member of my own family, just not the kind that involves a husband and children of my own. And, I am fortunate to share the wonders of the world and of the mind with my beautiful niece and nephew. I love that I can be both a guiding factor and an immature adult with them.
Mostly, I’m thankful that my family is alive and well, and that my friends – far and near, old and new, share a common bond with me in their lifetime experiences – that of being able to enter into, and sometimes exit from, the path of my life so far.
So, on the weekend-eve of 40, I’m looking forward to what is with the comfort of the fact that what was has been a hell of a ride so far. If I’m lucky, it’s not quite half over yet.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
First, I don't feel like a grown-up. I have been feverishly Facebook updating recently, and frankly, in many cases, I can't believe how old some of my old friends look. Maybe not so much "old" as "older", and older than I feel I look. I'm sure I look shockingly older to folks who haven't seen me in 25 years as well, but it still causes pause. I sure as hell don't feel anything NEAR 40. And not quite like a Grown Up.
Next, almost all of my grownup friends have families - spouses, significant others, children, the whole American Pie thing. I'm not sure if that's right for me - I've become so comfortable being the 'aloof wolf'' that I don't think I'd know what to do if I had to spend actual uninterrupted time with someone. I'm purrfectly happy with my cat and dog. They're as happy as kids, can walk, don't shit themselves. have basic communication skills, and never complain about what I feed them. And they love to love on my feet when I sleep.
Now the scary part. I'm currently working in a small town (~40,000 people) in Northwest Ohio. I'm single, and I'm not into Budweiser, Nascar, or God - so I have very, very little in the way of shared interests here. Add to that my work with an oil company, and my the fact that I am an alternative-energy supporting tree-hugger, and you've got a good picture of limbo.
So, my joke nightmare when I was in my 20s was that I'd become one of those old ladies down the street in a little cottage house with a wooden fence where the kids would be afraid to retrieve their frisbees, because the woman who lives there is "weird", and has "junk from all over the world", and speaks "weird languages" and has pets.
To prevent this terrifying future, several friends and I had a pact in our 2os that if any of us were single at 40, we'd find eachother and marry. Scary prospect as it is - but it turns out all my backup men are married!
The most disconcerting part - and I just noticed this last weekend -when I talk with my older friends, some part - even if it is just a sentence - always goes the way of medical talk. Old people talk. See, if I had died in my 30s seeing almost 100 countries, I would have gone out on a high note. Now, even if I still have a good trip every year, the diminishing adventure over the remainder of my time will dilute the adventure of my younger years, and all of my best stories will begin with "I used to..." or "Once I did......".
There will probably be more paranoid rantings like these as the dreaded day arrives. The day at which.........I become.......a SPINSTER!!! oy vey.