As I enter the very last weekend of my thirties, I’m struck with a variety of thoughts – spinning from reminiscence to hapathy and every emotion in between. There are so many things I thought I might accomplish by now – finding my work true calling, my ‘soul mate’; my place in the world. I thought I would be a member of my own, new family. I thought I would be showing a child the wonders of nature, art, math, music, and the world in general. I was sure I’d be much more mature.
In hindsight, I have come to realize that my path has taken detours that wander more than a Jerry Garcia solo. In my years, I have been so fortunate to have met and loved and experienced the friends I have had over the years, even if our relationships have slipped away with time. I am not sure there is a true calling in work (although I could come close to that with photography….). I do know that you can control how much you enjoy your work, whether through a sense of accomplishment or by learning to leave something you don’t like to try something that you do. I have not found my ‘soul mate’, but I have been fortunate to have some memorable relationships. (Some for the wrong reasons.)
I think I have found where I would like my place in the world to be, after exploring 5 continents. But I’m not there yet. I have learned to at least try to make the place you are today, right now, the most meaningful place you can be. It is, after all, where you are. I am a member of my own family, just not the kind that involves a husband and children of my own. And, I am fortunate to share the wonders of the world and of the mind with my beautiful niece and nephew. I love that I can be both a guiding factor and an immature adult with them.
Mostly, I’m thankful that my family is alive and well, and that my friends – far and near, old and new, share a common bond with me in their lifetime experiences – that of being able to enter into, and sometimes exit from, the path of my life so far.
So, on the weekend-eve of 40, I’m looking forward to what is with the comfort of the fact that what was has been a hell of a ride so far. If I’m lucky, it’s not quite half over yet.